Hurt - Johnny Cash

Dearest Anarghya,

How are you? I hope all is well with you. How is the cactus doing? Has it grown a bit since I left? I’m back safe and sound. The flight was late but pleasantly uneventful. It was difficult getting back into the grind of routine but slowly I’ve adjusted.

The other day I was thinking about us. How we have never spoken on the phone or emailed each other once in our seven year friendship! Are we being a pair of Luddites in renouncing such technology which helps millions reach out to each other? I don’t know. It is not that I regret that our only means of staying in touch is through these letters but there are times I miss hearing your voice and I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. Yes, I know I do not have a phone and neither do you but still. What about you? Do you ever have such an urge?

I was listening to this song covered by Johnny Cash just before his death called ‘Hurt’ yesterday. It is a beautiful, sad and majestic song, one of the few instances where the cover version is better than the original. The pain and sadness in his voice as he sings it makes one wonder if he was looking back at his amazing life and singing about it. A fitting epitaph I must say for him. That is the way to leave this world, on a high, at the peak of your powers. Listening to that song made me also wonder about the things happening in my life. All my life I was on this road whose destination was known. Now, suddenly, it is as if the road has forked and somehow I ended up taking a wrong turn somewhere. I do not know where I’m going, nor do I know what I’m doing. Don’t you have these moments when everything seems pointless? Like when you were talking about your ennui with your current dance production, the lack of enthusiasm, the fear of rejection from your peers and the inability to break away. I feel the same way. I don’t know how things unraveled so fast. But being caught in the middle of this is not really pleasant I must say.

Everyone keeps saying you are so lucky to be in such a position at my age as if that is a big consolation. Sometimes I feel so alone and wonder if you are the only person who can understand me whenever I say something. I mean what has age got to do with happiness and satisfaction? Just because you said years ago that this is what you want to do and achieved it doesn’t mean that you are now happy doing it. Then there are my folks. I think they will be shocked the most. As you very well know, I’ve always worn a different mask in front of them, the mask of a dutiful and obedient son who always does as he is told and who has done something for himself. It will be difficult to see the disappointment in their eyes when I break the news to them. Oh well, enough is enough. Until now, I’ve lived and died in the hope that people I liked and loved would love and care for me equally in return. I didn’t understand when you kept saying this before but now I realize that you were right all along. It is time I lived for myself and stopped waiting for the people in my life to come through.

Moving on, how are your rehearsals coming along? Is Michael still giving you all a hard time? If he is, let me know and I’ll come down and kick his ass for you! But I do hope things are proceeding smoothly. I look forward to attending the premiere. Good luck and as the French say ‘merde à vous’!

I bumped into Sandhya the other day outside the gallery, which was a surprise. Wait till you hear more. She got married! There’s more. She is pregnant! Yes, this is the same man-hating Sandhya! I couldn’t resist teasing her about it. But apparently, she found a man, “who treats her as an equal and gives her all the space she needs”, in her own words. Well, what could I say to that? I wished her good luck and she asked me to pass on her best wishes to you. She was interested in your production and said she might make it to the premiere too, her pregnancy permitting.

By the way, I completely forgot. I might get a chance to go to Reykjavík later this year. Wait for the best part; I can take a friend along with me! So what do you say my dear lady? Would you like to swim with me in the famous waters of Bláa Lónið? I hope you will be able to come.

That is all for now. I need to go shopping now and stock up on provisions before it snows again. Don’t forget to tell me about the premiere dates. Also, I hope you haven’t already finished all the Guylian chocolates I gave you? If yes, I’m sure you will have problems fitting into those leotards! Take care my love and I hope to hear from you soon.

Love,
Aghosh

P.S.: My love also to Mrs. Rao. I hope she is back on her feet now. Tell her I miss her delicious masala dosas a lot!